King David, divorce, and the gift of God

King David, divorce, and the gift of God

by Gilbert Torres

And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.

Divorce is not always an amicable parting between two people. Divorce often lives on as an unhealed wound in children and adults, too. Sometimes divorce is an ugly ordeal over custody of children and the division of property. Yet there is life after divorce. Live is a gift. It is the gift given as much for those who have caused the hurt of divorce as for those who have been hurt by divorce. It is a gift for those who may feel they do not deserve a gift. It is a gift for those who are reminded and assured by others that they are undeserving of any gift from God. The idea that the one who is hurt and the one causes the hurt should receive a gift is not something which fills our hearts with warm and wonderful feelings. However the truth is neither the one who gives gifts nor the recipient of that gift who accepts the gift require a third party to approve the giving or receiving of that gift. The purpose of this article is to present the scriptures as the reader is able to read those scriptures for themselves on the matter of divorce. It is hoped that you will gain understanding, confidence and joy in the LORD especially if you or a loved one have been affected by divorce directly or indirectly. You are invited to comment here on my blog or if you wish you can click here to be directed to my Facebook page to post your comment.

academics, wavers and standards

The discussion on divorce often seems like a muscle brain flexing exercise in academics. It draws opponents to the table with their literary Bible text swords drawn. Discussions float on original language word definitions, both over the meaning of a word and the possible meaning of a word. This article will not delve into those word definitions. It is not that these are unimportant. It is that these have done little or nothing to edify the saints in their understanding or to bring freedom and joy to the hearts of those affected by divorce. Discussions, especially for the participants, seem mostly about appearance and winning an argument. Invariably, discussion participants cry out for the stuff of academics, context, book, chapter and verse as ultimate proof devices. The result is that the children of the kingdom are left hungry and without edification. Their search continues for an understanding of the scriptures concerning divorce, either for themselves, their brothers and sisters in the faith, friends and family and the unbelievers in their life.

Then, there is the disclaimer waiver. This is about whether one is under the law of Moses or not under the law of Moses for Jews and Gentiles, respectively. The reality is that these distinctions are part of the same academic exercise. They do not make a difference for those who seek to understand a response to divorce that is in accord with the Spirit. The reason these things do not make a difference is because what the saints hear is that regardless of whether a divorce occurred before or after the believer’s commitment to Jesus as Lord and Savior divorce is akin to an unforgivable sin. Reparation or reconciliation with one’s former spouse is to be accomplished before there is any chance of being reconciled to God through Jesus. Figurative acid test surveys and interrogations are conducted to determine whether those who are divorced are to be approved by the leadership into the kingdom of heaven, or in any case, the local congregation. Then, if the divorced are admitted it is with conditions and restrictions as to whether he or she can serve communion, lead prayer or teach. Such are the tiered machinations and concoctions of men. There are determinations made whether one or the other or both of the divorced can marry again or are to remain in an unmarried state. Utterly appalling.

There is the notion of the ultra correct and righteous standard. This boast comes from those who have never known the experience of divorce. They are, to their way of thinking, on the safe side. This, they argue, is what Jesus said about how it was from the beginning, before the fall of mankind into sin and before divorce and when God made them male and female. Would this be like walking in integrity and uprightness of heart before the LORD?

King David

Then, there is David. David is a man of whom we note fondly was a man after God’s own heart. Of course, it is common to refer, maybe even speak, of David’s sin of adultery. The distance gap between David’s heart and his adultery seems to make these safe talking points as concerns David. It may be about as unlikely that David ever entered into the discussion on divorce among the Pharisees as among scholars, theologians and those who lead, teach and preach today. David represents too many seeming conflicts for some saints. They would just as soon not go to David. They would rather keep the-man-after-God’s-own-heart-adulterous-murderer at a safe distance. There is always the trump card to dismiss the matter of David: he lived under the law. Nevermind that this dismissal says nothing by way of understanding and the edification of the saints concerning adultery and divorce. So unless our studies and discussions involve David and his adultery then there is serious cause for the saints to rightly question and to doubt whether our teaching is genuine. Technically, or perhaps legalistically, one could say that David was safe from divorce. He never experienced divorce. This puts King David among those who have never known divorce. Oh, the foolishness of God! It is greater than the wisdom of man. There is no need to conjure up an imaginary scenario of, say, a man who was king and who committed adultery. It’s there! In the scriptures! But, there is no need or reason to mention David in a discussion on divorce, right? But these standard responses to David are not by the Spirit as the Spirit desires our understanding and edification.

Who can deny that David caused much hurt even as he hurt himself? Would that the matter of David were merely a matter of divorce! However his sin of adultery and murder was far beyond divorce. It ought to be that David would be a prominent showcase display for observation in any study on divorce. David not only committed the sin of adultery with Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah, but David had Uriah murdered to cover up his own adultery with Uriah’s wife. A child was born and died as the result of David and Bathsheba’s sin of adultery. The child died in accordance with the word of the LORD as spoken to King David by the prophet Nathan.

Does this trouble you that God was not ashamed to leave David on the throne as king and to leave David in the scriptures for our learning?

Long after David’s sin the LORD God reminded King Solomon, not of King David’s sin, but of how, “. . . your father David walked before me in integrity of heart and uprightness . . .”[1]

a gift for David

Nathan was the man whom the LORD God commanded to go to David. Nathan was sent to David after he had committed his sin of adultery and murder. Nathan reassured King David that the LORD had taken away his sin. David (and Bathsheba) stood fully condemned by the law of Moses to which all Israel was bound and in accordance with that law should have been put to death by stoning. What was it that David received from God if not a most unexpected and undeserved gift? Does the thought of an adulterer and a murderer make you cringe? Even worse when that adulterer and murderer is showered with the kindness of a gift by God himself?

Let’s be specific. The gift which David received from the LORD God was not just to take away his sin of adultery and of murder. It was not because of any hardness of heart that David his union with Bathsheba.

Most assuredly it was not a gift which David deserved, but gift givers characteristically give what is not expected. They give what one may feel is too much and undeserved by them. The LORD is a God who gives gifts to the undeserving.

Jesus on divorce

The tired academics exercise on original language single word definitions in isolation rule the day. The understanding on divorce remains about the same as it was for the Jews and what they heard and learned from the scribes and Pharisees concerning their questions on divorce. It was the Pharisees who came to Jesus with their questions on divorce. Their motives aside, it was their question on divorce to which Jesus replied. These are their words to Jesus and the words of Jesus in response to them.

3 Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?" 4 And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, 5 and said, 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH '? 6 "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." 7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?" 8 He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. 9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."

Do you suppose maybe King David came to mind for the Pharisees on adultery? If he did they were probably not inclined to lower their image of their beloved King David in their mistaken purist notions to dredge his name through the muck of divorce much less adultery. Nonetheless it was the reaction of the disciples which set the stage for Jesus. He wanted to make sure his disciples understood his teaching, not the teaching of the Pharisees, concerning divorce.

The confused response solution of the disciples to the problem of divorce was: If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry. Their idea of a solution was not unlike some solutions heard today. The disciples were not thinking, as appears from their words, that it is better for a man not to divorce. They were not thinking, as appears from their words, that it is better for a man not to marry another woman. No, they were thinking, full stop. Even more than an end of any and all future union with a woman for that man it is just better not _ to marry. Ever.

to accept

The response to this mistaken notion of the disciples by Jesus, just as with the Pharisees, was not to direct the disciples to do a word study. The response of Jesus was not to bombard the Pharisees or the disciples with a multiple of scenarios and hypothetical situations involving the divorce of a man and a woman. No, it was a fairly and simply worded anecdote involving _ eunuchs? [2] Generally, the sole point taken by the saints in Christ from that anecdote is about entry into the kingdom of heaven. This is true, but it is not the complete teaching of the anecdote. This is especially evident given that Jesus was engaged in discussion with the Pharisees and he was teaching his disciples concerning divorce and remarriage.

11 But He said to them, "Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 "For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it."

There are eunuchs 1) who were born, 2) who were made, and 3) who made themselves eunuchs. It is the last of these three whose decision to make themselves eunuchs is for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. However there is nothing which suggests that all three eunuchs are not equally able to enter the kingdom of heaven. Similarly, the point which Jesus made is not that eunuchs, whether they be born, made or make themselves eunuchs and though their sexual drive and reproductive capabilities may be nonexistent, are excluded from seeking the companionship of a spouse to walk alongside them through life. It is the statement which Jesus declared to the Pharisees which is for one to accept or to not accept.

Who determines whether a man has received what has been given to him by God?

It is that man alone.

Who determines whether that man can or will accept or not accept that gift from God?

It is that man alone.

What is that it that has been given to that man? What is that has been given to the man if not a gift from God? This small word, gift, is forever overlooked in all the cries for context, word studies, and original language single word definitions in isolation. It is the one word which reconciles and unites in harmony the words spoken by Jesus and the apostle Paul. Even more, it is the act of receiving a gift from God which underscores and brings to light, if we can bear the light, the adultery of David and Bathsheba. The word gift is what testifies of what God has joined together as being a gift that is from God. Does anyone doubt that because two unbelieving people who did not know God before they came to the LORD that it was He who gifted them one to the other to make them one flesh? Here are the words of the apostle Paul in I Corinthians 7:7.

Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.

the gift

This is the gift which was given to David from God. It is the gift which each man has from God. It is the gift by which one accepts (“in this manner”) to remain unmarried or remarry. It is the gift by which accepts (“in that” [manner]”) to remarry or remain unmarried. Whether or not they accept that gift from God is neither condemnation for them nor is it for anyone to condemn them. It is a gift as undeserved as an adulterer like David could expect, and we might think, certainly as any murderer could ever receive. David did not ask for that unexpected gift from God. Did the sin of adultery go away for David and Bathsheba? This is the part that makes those lead, teach and preach squirm and why they would just as soon leave David out of the study and discussion on divorce. The truth is that David and Bathsheba continued living in that state of adultery.

If you cannot accept that reality then it is also understandable if you cannot understand or accept the statement of Jesus concerning what has been given to a man by God.

Lest you think that this practice of David and Bathsheba continuing to live in the same state of adultery in a seeming contradiction or violation of the law remember these words from Jesus. Working on the Sabbath incurred the same death sentence as adultery.

"Or have you not read in the Law, that on the Sabbath the priests in the temple break the Sabbath and are innocent?

the ceremony of marriage

The culture celebration of the ceremony of marriage is noble, commendable and praiseworthy. Unfortunately there is a mistaken notion that the marriage ceremony is ordained or commanded in the scriptures. Some have settled in the belief that it is a necessary requirement to be fulfilled in order for God to join together a man and a woman. The lesson of David and Bathsheba debunks for those who lead, teach and preach their misguided and misinformed notions of severing marriage unions to do away with the adultery in which the marriage union between two people was conceived.

David did not divorce his wife.

He took the adulterous Bathsheba as his wife.

He was not for this reason without the condemnation of sin.

David’s sin of adultery was not what stood to condemn him.

The sin that stood to condemn him is the same sin which stands to condemn anyone today. It is the sin of unbelief as much as to abandon and turn and walk away from one’s faith in the LORD God.

conclusion

Hardness of heart with respect to divorce is not the sole domain of first century Pharisees. Speculations will abound. Conjectures will abound. The disciples, not unlike the Pharisees, contrived their own idea of a problem solution to divorce. License and abuse will abound. The perverse do not need anyone to open doors for the perversions of their own fleshly desires. It is just as perverse to conjure up as a pretext of understanding a cascade of questions and hypothetical scenarios involving adultery and divorce. It is tactic as much for putting off what may struggle to understand as much as to reject what have come to understand. None of this is new anymore than the perverse misunderstanding and corruption of grace by some of those individuals to whom the apostle Paul alluded as abusing the grace of God

However this is no reason for anyone who leads, teaches or preaches to think they can just play it safe, especially with other people’s lives in the aftermath of divorce to command to not to remarry. Even worse, it is for no man to command others not to marry at all so as to never have to face the prospect of divorce. The inspired apostle Paul spoke quite well and sufficiently to those who would contemplate marriage in first Corinthians 7.

It is not for anyone to dictate to a man or woman whether or not they have received a gift from God. It is not for anyone to dictate to a man or woman whether or not they should accept what God has given them. This was the mistaken solution of the disciples to the problem of divorce. They thought they could put themselves in the position where they could dictate the message, do not marry. Jesus was not content to leave them with that mistaken notion.

David is a man whom God testifies was a man after God’s own heart. David is a grand showcase display of the grace of God following his sin of adultery and murder. Yet David has been overlooked for too long as the recipient of the undeserving gift of God. There is no call for a show of hands or to pick sides as to whether you like or dislike what God did with David. It is the commandment and the word of the LORD.

Beware of the hardness of heart. Its affect is not limited to the one who hardens his heart to the commandment of the word of the Lord. It affects the saints in Christ who have experienced divorce who long to be free. They long to rejoice in the knowledge and grace in the fellowship of the saints and in our Jesus our Lord.